A Plate of I'm Sorry Cookies
by NeverWonder
Summary: Finn Hudson is a klutz, and he can't help it. When he hits Rachel's nose during dance rehearsal, he decides that the best solution is an apology and cookies. Except he can't bake.


_Rachel is good at making things right again, and she's also good at the whole "forgiveness" thing; that's why she's not still pissed at me for hitting her in the nose at Glee rehearsal on Tuesday._ In fact, she was never pissed at him at all, which is one of those things he loves about Rachel, but he's not supposed to love things about her anymore because he's with Quinn. She'd be royally pissed if she knew he was thinking about Rachel at all, which is totally not fair because it's not like he's been thinking about kissing her or anything. Ok, that's a lie; he catches himself thinking about kissing Rachel a lot, like when they talked to her about dealing with Mercedes and she just nodded and said that she would take care of it. Kissing Quinn is not nearly as good as kissing Rachel because Rachel kisses like she means it. But he knows it's not something he should think about when he's with Quinn, just like he shouldn't think about Rachel and how much he misses her when Quinn is leaning on his arm or putting her hand on his knee; it's just hard not to when she won't even hold his hand unless they are being watched, and she acts like he belongs to her when people can see and ignores him when they can't.

He tries not to think about those things, and right now all of that is overshadowed by the fact that _he_ was a big clumsy jackass who hit her in the nose; she wasn't at school today, and yesterday she kept talking about a nose job. He's starting to worry that she might actually be considering getting a nose job, and it would be all his fault, well his and Quinn's. He knows how sensitive she is about her appearance, and it still upsets him that he came to that realization way too late. He swears he will never dance again, because he's dangerous when he dances apparently, and he's still pissed at Quinn, even if she told him she was just upset because of what happened. He should probably be more pissed at Santana for insulting his girlfriend, but he's not.

_He hit Rachel, and instantly he was kneeling by her side, using every ounce of willpower not to put his arms around the smaller girl. He was hovering over her when the words slipped out before he could stop them. _"Baby, I'm so sorry; I'm such a klutz. Baby, are you alright?" _He hadn't noticed it, but Quinn sure as hell had. And she was pissed off about it. He was shocked when it was Santana who came up to him and told him to keep his 'pet bitch' on a leash because she was sick of her shit. She'd caught Quinn telling Rachel that maybe if she didn't have a huge ugly blob on her face where her nose belonged it wouldn't get smacked and she wouldn't be going solo to prom, and then she'd told her to 'keep her big nose away from her man.' Apparently Santana Lopez was actually defending Rachel Berry, and to Finn it felt like some sign that the zombie apocalypse was coming because the real Santana would never defend Rachel. He confronted Quinn about it, and she hadn't denied it, which pissed him off more than it probably should have; she apologized and said she was just upset because he'd called Rachel baby. _He's still pretty sure that Quinn isn't sorry for being mean to Rachel; it bothers him a lot that she treats her that way, and the more he thinks about that the more he thinks that maybe this is a sign too.

All of this explains why Finn Hudson is standing in the kitchen, covered in flour and sugar and staring at a cookbook he found on the top shelf; he's glad Kurt isn't home to see this mess because he'd flip his shit over it, but at the same time, Kurt actually knows how to bake, which would be helpful. Because Finn doesn't know how to bake, and right now he needs to bake "I'm sorry that I'm such a klutz and that my girlfriend is such a bitch; please don't get a nose job because you are perfect the way you are" cookies for Rachel. But Kurt is off with Mercedes on some kind of shopping trip, and typically those trips include Rachel, only she 'didn't feel up to it' according to Kurt; that worries him too because Kurt, Rachel, and Mercedes have been pretty much attached at the hip lately, and Rachel never misses a chance to hang out with the only friends she has. He remembers a time when they were friends, and, while he likes to think they still are, lately it feels like they aren't anymore. He misses that too.

"I suck." He tells the bag of sugar he's holding in his hands. "I can't bake, and Rachel is hurt."

"Rachel's hurt?" His mom's voice makes him jump, maybe because he thought he was alone, and he turns to face her; when she laughs softly at his flour covered appearance, he allows himself to smile. "What happened?"

"I hit Rachel's nose at Glee rehearsal, and she wasn't at school today. She's been talking about a nose job, and it's all my fault and Quinn's." He blurts it out, and Carole is pretty sure his voice is shaking.

"Did someone say something about her nose? Did _you_ say something?" There is no accusation in her voice, mainly because she knows her son would never be that hurtful, especially to Rachel; the mention of Quinn, however, makes her nearly wince. "Did _Quinn_?"

"Of course I didn't, Mom. I just suck at dancing, like I suck at everything else lately, and I hit her nose by accident." He avoids her question about Quinn because he knows that she doesn't like the girl, not that he can blame her; he's starting to wonder why he's still with her when nothing has changed.

"You don't suck at everything, baby; you're just having a rough time. It'll pass. I know you wouldn't say anything to Rachel about her nose; did _Quinn_?" She asks it again; Finn wishes she wouldn't, but she seems intent on finding out about it.

"Yeah." He whispers the answer, and he wonders why he doesn't go on to explain that Quinn apologized for it already; he never feels the need to defend Quinn the way he defends Rachel, even now.

"Well, that certainly wasn't very nice of her, was it?" Carole doesn't hide the bite in her tone, but she doesn't say what she's really thinking; she'd expect that kind of cruelty from Quinn, especially after what the girl did to her son.

"Not really." He's ashamed, ashamed that even his mom sees Quinn for what she is; he has to change the subject before the tears come again. "Mom, will you help me out here? I'm trying to bake Rachel cookies, y'know, sort of a 'I'm sorry I suck at dancing and hit you 'cause I'm a klutz'. The problem is that I don't know what I'm doing."

She agrees instantly, and she reaches for the cookbook; each step of the way, she shows him what he's supposed to do, and he can't help but wonder if Rachel would've taught him to bake cookies if they stayed together. He thinks she would've he asked her. He's got all these stupid fake memories and hopes that he'd built up about what things would be like with Rachel, and he hates that because he doesn't have her anymore; he's popular; and he has Quinn instead, which would be great except that he misses Rachel all the time. His mom gets down this box of cookie cutters, and she hands him the perfect one to use; he stands there a moment, holding the cookie cutter in his hand, and he fights back tears again. Maybe it's girly as hell, but he's been crying a lot lately; not when anyone can see, but sometimes he misses Rachel, really misses her, and he just can't help but cry. It happens when Quinn is bitchy or mean, and it happens when he thinks about all the things he could have if he had Rachel. It happens when he thinks that maybe he never deserved someone as warm and kind and supportive and wonderful as Rachel.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" She's staring at him, and she knows almost instantly that he's thinking about Rachel; her son has facial expressions and 'Rachel' facial expressions, and that look on his face right now is a 'Rachel' look.

"I suck, Mom. I suck." He wants to throw the cookie cutter and run, but he can't; he's frozen in place. "I suck!"

"Finn, you don't suck." She puts her arms around him, and, though he's all of six foot three, he seems so small and scared; it breaks her heart to see him like this. "Sweetheart, you don't suck."

"I do, Mom. I suck because I'm not with her, and I don't deserve her. I'm with Quinn, and I suck." She holds him close, trying not to cry because this is her baby and he's crying. "Maybe she's right; I'm stupid, and I'm a loser and I'm not gonna be anything more than a loser."

"No, sweetheart, who ever says that about you is wrong; they are so wrong." She swallows hard, and then comes the question that has been on her mind since the day she found out her son had gone back to Quinn. "Why are you with her?"

"What?" He's completely unprepared for the question, and he pulls away slightly.

"I know it's not really my business, but I can't help but wonder. Why are you with her after all that you went through?" She lets out a sigh. "I know about the Rachel thing, and I understand, sort of; this thing with Quinn though, I just don't."

"I don't know, maybe because we weren't really over." He shakes his head; it's easier to say that's why he's back with her and label that as the reason he and Rachel didn't work, than it is to face the truth.

"You aren't happy, Finn. I know that I can't tell you who to date, but it hurts to see you like this. You weren't happy then, and you aren't happy now." She doesn't add that he was happy with Rachel, but she can see in his eyes that he knows the truth. "Just think about, sweetheart."

He nods slowly, not telling her that it's all he thinks about these days, and they go back to baking the cookies in silence; she was right, but then again, his mom had a habit of being right a lot. He knows his mom doesn't really like Quinn, but mostly he knows that she just wants him to be happy. When he found out Quinn was pregnant with Puck's baby and not his he came home and cried for hours; his mom found him as he was throwing the sonogram out the window, and she'd held him tightly and told him that it was going to be ok. He knew how angry she was about the lie, and yet she'd been polite to Quinn when she left. He didn't come out of his room when Quinn collected her stuff and went to live with Puck because all he wanted to do was throw things. Yeah, he's convinced that his mom is a saint and that perhaps he got his temper from his dad.

"Do we have food coloring?" He asks, contemplating the idea of making gold stars for Rachel as he slid the cookies into the oven. "I can't make that awesome shiny icing she uses because it takes forever to dry, but I could put normal icing on them right?"

"I think she'll like that." She tosses him the box of food dyes with a smile, and she can't help but wonder when he's going to figure out that the girl he's baking cookies for is the one; she's seen it in his eyes from the first time she saw him look at her.

"I hope so." He tries to tint the icing they've been mixing, and a small smile creeps across his face as the color comes out the perfect shade the first time; he wonders if this will make her smile as much as it made him, and he's afraid it won't.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She can't help but notice the way his smile falls.

"What if she does get a nose job? What if she does something like that because of me, because of what _Quinn_ said to her? It'll be my fault, Mom." He lets out a sigh. "I don't want her to get a nose job."

"It's her choice, Finn; I don't think it would be a wise choice, but it's her choice." She tries to remain calm, though part of her wants to make a phone call to the Berry house to prevent it from happening.

"No Mom, it's a dumb thing for her to do. She always talks about how Barbra Streisand was told that she'd need to get a nose job in order to make it as a star, but she never got one and she became a star anyway." He remembers that day when she told off the dancer guy who made fun of him for being so tall; he was so impressed that, for someone so small, she packed so much fire. "Rachel is beautiful just the way she is, and I don't want her to change; I guess maybe I don't have the right to ask for that, but I don't want her to change at all 'cause she's perfect the way she is."

"Finn, honey, maybe that's just what she needs to hear, and maybe she needs to hear it from _you_." He's pretty sure he shouldn't be thinking all these things about Rachel, and part of him is kind of freaked out by the fact that his mom is kind of in his head right now.

"Mom? Did you and Dad ever split up in high school?" He doesn't know why he asks the question, and he immediately regrets it because normally asking about his father make her cry. "Sorry…"

"There were a few times we needed some time apart, but in the end we always found our way back to each other." She answers him softly, and he's glad she isn't crying.

"Really?" It shouldn't give him hope, not when he's with Quinn, but it does.

"Two people who belong together always find their way back home, honey; that's part of what love is." She knows he's not thinking about Quinn anymore, not when he has that look in his eyes. "You just find away to be together because you can't bear to be apart."

The timer goes off, and he does a little victory dance when he pulls out a cookie sheet lined with perfect stars; they talk for a little while longer, and when the cookies are cool, he carefully puts icing on them, pleased with the results of his first attempt at baking. Without warning he wraps his arms around his mother, pulling her into a hug and thanking her over and over again. After a quick shower and change of clothes, he's heading out the door with a plate of perfect star shaped cookies to take to Rachel when the phone rings. Quinn wants to do some him to come over and do some prom planning, but he tells her he has other plans; she gets so pissed that he holds the phone away from his ear to save his hearing when she starts to shout. She's definitely pissed that he's 'blowing her off to go see Rachel', and he almost understands. But when she tells him that he _has_ to come do prom planning instead of visiting Rachel, it's his turn to be pissed off, and he's surprised at the way he snaps at her. If he has to choose between seeing Rachel and dating Quinn, he chooses seeing Rachel; he's pretty sure this is a sign, and he knows that he's always going to choose Rachel. Maybe that's the point of all this; maybe it's all been leading up to the fact that he's going to choose Rachel every time.

"Finn, who was that?" The question comes as she's cleaning up the kitchen because she insists he needs to get going.

"Quinn." He says her name flatly. "She wanted to do more prom planning, and I told her I was going to see Rachel instead."

"And?"

"She said it was her or Rachel. I made a choice. We're over, for good." He lets out a sigh. "Is it bad that I just feel relieved? Does that make me a bad person?"

"No baby, it doesn't." She shakes her head, pulling him into a hug. "You aren't a bad person, Finn; you're just young."

"Thanks, Mom, for everything." He hugs her, and she sends him on his way; she asks him to tell Rachel that she hopes she's alright.

Santana is there when he arrives, and he's sort of surprised that she seems to friends with Rachel now; he hears her reminding Rachel to think about what they talked about, and he's pretty sure that Santana has convinced Rachel not to get a nose job because when he practically begs her not to do it she shakes her head and tells him to forget it. He's relieved, and he tells her that he's glad she changed her mind. He apologizes for hitting her and for what Quinn said to her, and when she tells him that Quinn didn't seem so sorry it makes him want to throw something. She assures him that it's alright, and it amazes him how she can always be the bigger person. Maybe he won't tell Rachel that he loves her just yet, but he thinks about it; he does tell that he's not with Quinn anymore, and that makes her smile. He offers up the plate of cookies, and she smiles that bright smile he fell in love with; when she tells him they are terrific, he can't help but smile too, and he confesses that his mom helped. He doesn't tell her that his mom helped him with other things too, like realizing where he belongs. He won't tell her that he wants her back, not today, and he won't tell her that he needs her, not yet. But sometime soon he'll tell her everything, and he'll promise her forever; he'll mean it. Right now, he settles for her smile, and the knowledge that she's happy again.


End file.
